Armageddon Watch: Channing Tatum And Meryl Streep To Perform At Carnegie Hall

For the past 23 years, when not having 37-hour tantric sex sessions, Sting and his wife, Trudie Styler, have been raising awareness for the indigenous people of Central and South American rain forests. Every two years, they’ve hosted star-studded concerts to support their efforts, and they’ve been able to protect almost 30 million acres of rain forest in the process. And this year… well, hold on to your fanciest hats, because the A-list is coming in full force.

Meryl Streep, Elton John, James Taylor, Roseanne Cash, Bryn Terfel (he’s a popular opera dude), Bruno Mars, Vince Gill and Jennifer Hudson will join Sting at Carnegie Hall this year for “Songs from the Silver Screen.” But someone must have built a rec center in one of the rain forests, because joining them on the main stage – Channing Tatum!

Tatum, who stars in “21 Jump Street” with Jonah Hill, isn’t really known for his voice, and has never sung onscreen. However, the former Abercrombie & Fitch model-turned-stripper-turned-actor does know how to entertain a crowd, if his “Saturday Night Live” debut is any indication.

The star-studded concert’s theme of the night is “Songs from the Silver Screen.” The Rainforest Foundation concert will take place on Tuesday, April 3 at 7 p.m. ET at Carnegie Hall. (Via the HuffPo)

If you, too, were forced by a she-devil to see The Vow, you’ll know that Tatum showed that he actually has some chops on the guitar, no matter how hard you may have laughed when he did it. But singing? MIND = BLOWN.

Thankfully, I have my dear friend C-Tates on speed dial, and once again the hardest workin’, twerkin’, lay it down, flip it and reversin’ it man in $SShow BizzNastee was glad to share some insight.

Mic check ONE… MIC CHECK ONE! Check it, DO RE ME FA SO LA DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZ NUTS SON WHAT! IT’S C-TATES MUTHA F*CKA AND I’M SINGIN’ N SH*T!

Yo girl, so like, I’m all, “Yo construction bitches, quit tearin’ down trees” and I like ball up on ‘em, son, because I’m streets legit. But I ain’t hit dem punk ass snitches because like my man Dre says, “A voice is the most powerful weapon n sh*t” So I’mma take da stage wit dat Maryland Streep trick n be like, “Yo boos and playboys, I’mma sing dis classic sh*t.”

Come inside, take off your coat
I’ll make you feel at home
Now let’s pour a glass of wine
‘Cause now we’re all alone

I’ve been waiting all night
So just let me hold you close to me
‘Cause I’ve been dyin’ for you girl
To make love to me

Girl, you make me feel real good
We can do it ’til we both wake up
Girl, you know I’m hooked on you
And this is what I’ll do

(I wanna sex you up)
All night
(You make me feel real good)
I want to
(I wanna rub you down)
(I wanna sex you up)

And then my homeboy DJ Yale Grad be like, “RE-RE-REMIX!” and I’m all “POP POP GOES THE WEASEL!” n sh*t. Art, mutha f*cka DO SOMETHIN.

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