We often wonder why porn companies don’t name their titles something more interesting than “This Ain’t ___ XXX,” or “____ A XXX Parody,” and today we have the answer. Porn has to have crappy names, because sometimes, A-holes like Ben & Jerry sue. Hey, Ben & Jerry, aren’t you supposed to be peaceful, open-minded hippie types and stuff? I was under the impression that Deadheads don’t litigate, maaan. See, this is why all hippies are full of sh*t. I’m punching the next white guy with dreadlocks I see. UPDATE: Okay, I’m being told Ben & Jerry’s was bought by British-Dutch conglomerate Unilever in 2001. That makes sense. Boycott still stands.
NEW YORK (AP) — Ben & Jerry’s sued the maker of “Ben & Cherry’s” X-rated DVDs Wednesday, saying the “hardcore pornographic” films have smeared the ice cream maker’s reputation.
“They smeared our reputation! Now our team of lawyers is going to give them a real spanking, really spray it back in their face!” Man, you know there were at least five bored-out-of-their-skulls AP stringers elbowing each other out the way to make the first bad pun.
The trademark lawsuit in U.S. District Court in Manhattan said the sale of hardcore and exploitive pornographic DVDs and related goods is tarnishing Ben & Jerry’s Homemade Inc.’s name by creating an association with pornography. It said the claims arise from the distribution and sale of a series of DVDs containing “exploitative, hardcore pornographic films” featuring titles and themes based on “well-known and iconic” Ben & Jerry’s ice cream flavors as well as packaging that contains key company features such as a grazing cow, green grass and large white puffy clouds.
Oh yeah, I’m sure people are going to be confused into thinking your ice cream is made of porn. I’m never eating Ben & Jerry’s again. Won’t you join me in this boycott? Oh, and by the by, what were some of the titles?
It identified some of the X-rated names similar to its own as “Boston Cream Thigh,” ‘‘New York Fat & Chunky” and “Peanut Butter D-Cup.” Ben & Jerry’s has ice cream flavors titled: “Boston Cream Pie,” ”New York Super Fudge Chunk” and “Peanut Butter Cup.” [AP]
Ben & Jerry’s staple Cherry Garcia became “Hairy Garcia.”
A DVD called “Americone Cream” — a takeoff on Americone Dream, which was inspired by Stephen Colbert — promises “a delicious mix of hot American gay men.”
An unprintable title drawn from the flavor Banana Split features two bare-chested women on the cover. [NYDailyNews]
DON’T PLAY COY WITH ME, DAMMIT! What was the title? Banana… Tit? I honestly don’t know. It’s sad, everything pales in comparison to “Hairy Garcia.” It’s related to a Dirty Sanchez, but it’s much, much worse. Anyway, we’re boycotting Ben and Jerry’s, as of today. This copyright infringement crap is a joke, this couldn’t be a clearer case of fair use. Ben & Cherry’s only crime is false advertising. Because, euphemistically speaking, if there’s one thing you’re not going to find in a porn, it’s a cherry.