BIG LEBOWSKI AS WRITTEN BY SHAKESPEARE

01.07.10 7 years ago 39 Comments

(Want. via this guy)

By now this is all over the internet like scabs on your sister so I might as well post it.  It’s the script for The Big Lebowski in its entirety, as it might’ve been written by Bill Shakespeare.  It’s an interesting concept and certainly gets points for thoroughness.  I’d do more stuff like this on FilmDrunk if I didn’t have such a short attention hey look at the tits on that skank. From RunLeiaRun:

THE KNAVE
Zounds, man. Look at these unworthiest hands; no gaudy gold profanes my little hand. I have no honour to contain the ring. I am a bachelor in a wilderness. Behold this place; are these the towers where one may glimpse Geoffrey, the married man? Is this a court where mistresses of common sense are hid? Not for me to hang my bugle in an invisible baldric, sir; I am loathe to take a wife, or she to take me until men be made of some other mettle than earth. Hark, the seat of my commode be arisen!WOO
Search his satchel! His words are a fantastical banquet to work confusion upon his enemies. There sits eight pounds of proof within; surely he hides his treasure on his person.

BLANCHE
Villainy! Why this confounded orb, such as men use to play at ninepins; what devilry, these holes in holy trinity?

THE KNAVE
Obviously thou art not a golfer.

And it goes on like that.  Like I said, thorough. They call it “Two Men of Lebowski”, though I think “Two Men of Pomona” might’ve been a better title.  What with the rhyming and the Southern California reference and all.

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