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It’s nice to see that Canada’s good ideas aren’t limited to universal health care and putting gravy on French Fries (if you can name one food that isn’t improved by the addition of gravy, then you sir are a fucking liar). Today’s news is that Larry the Cable Guy-vehicle Witless Protection Program will not get a theatrical release in Canada. Sample reviews (currently running 0% on RottenTomatoes):
Witless Protection is disgusting, racist, clueless, sexist, charmless, unfunny, infantile, mean-spirited, amateurish, and insulting. In other words, it stars Larry The Cable Guy. Source
I’ve got an idea for Larry the Cable Guy’s next dumb movie. Maybe the lowbrow bumbler with the big heart and even bigger beer gut could play, oh I don’t know, a cable guy? Source
In many ways, this movie reminds me of an Uwe Boll flick. [Ed. Note – That’s a burn] Source
Larry The Cable Guy is a cancerous boil on the ass of comedy, but it’s still sort of shocking how little effort he puts into his movies. Source
I began hating it not just for its utter lack of quality as art or entertainment, but for the blackness of its very soul. Source
Anyway, kudos Canada. You’re one step closer to not being remembered as the country that gave us Nickleback. But this post wouldn’t be complete without a word from the one RottenTomatoes user who gave Witless a positive review. See it after the jump.
From RottenTomatoes user Mastermango:
No listen to the crappy reviews because reviewers are just uncreative *******ss that couldnt creat ****. thie movie was ****ing great and better than expected even
Later, after some other users insult him:
u r a troll go away before i slap the dark off ya face
wut trailor park do u live in son? imma gone hed down their an slap the dark off ya face
id beat up ur sister and then make sweet love if i wusnt a good CHRISTIAN and foller of HIS WORD. U keep pushin me an ill give u a bruisin four sure. i didnt go to notre dame so how can i bee a neanderthall? u so stupid dont make cents
wuts ur addy punk?? ill make u speel like a pig boy. i pray to HIM that HE will FOrgive me for the beeting and rape im goin do two u. wuts ur addy?
I hope this isn’t a real person.