For the newbies out there, this is the time of the week when I give shout outs to the
people FilmDrunkards who make comments that aren’t awkward for all involved. Looking for movie news? Scroll down. Warm? Take off your pants. Nominate your favorites comments for next week here (this post is hidden, so bookmark it).
Extra credit to everyone who took the time to read, Digg, and email their friends links to my 7,000-word-plus Weisbecker interview (hint hint). This was a pretty good week, so *ass pat* for the winners and tough luck for the losers. I think I’m going to have to go with our favorite philosopher Nominus this week, for this gem from the McLOVIN, APATOW, VINNIE JONES GET BIBLICAL thread (plus some solid photoshop work from yours truly):
Nominus says: JHC: The things you pwn end up pwning you.
From KATHERINE HEIGL HATES JEWS
wwbd says: True Story: I just punched my dog in the face for yawning. That’ll teach ‘er.
[Ed. Note: Now that’s how you do a non-sequitir]
From the same thread
Glen says: Pigs actually do not have sweat glands. The phrase "sweating like a pig" is technically incorrect. I like to say "Boy, I’m sweating like a mammal with sweat glands." I think it’s just as funny, and it’s certainly more accurate. [Yup, I still heart Glen]
From NIC CAGE SHOULD SHUT UP
Lalala I can’t hear you! Says: That’s exactly why I watch movies, to think about how fun it was for the actors. Forget dialogue and plot and acting, editing, filming; I want to know that Nic Cage was in ecstasy. Everyday he woke up and skipped to set. Little birds followed him and perched on his botulism smoothed skin. He smiled. No one could tell. People thought he was constipated.
From ZEMECKIS, CARREY SUCK DICKENS
Crapbasket says: See this is awesome cutting edge shit right here, because what they do, is they film actors doing things, and then make them do those things on a computer that looks just like them, but maybe with a tail or some shit, and then that’s the movie, see, this makes perfect sense. It’s like you going to work and doing something, and somebody else watching you do it and then they do it exactly like you did it, but just, like, cooler. Hey, that’s a cool spreadsheet, but check this out, mine is on fire, and has horns.
From PENN, BROLIN, AND FRANCO GET GAY TOGETHER
Soylent Greenz says: I had sex with a "retarded kid with autism." She counted how many times I donkey punched her and multiplied it by the amount of times she pee’d herself and came up with the formula for cold fusion. Then she ate her own poo. True story.
From YEAH WHATEVER, TEEN WOLF
Ricky says: cen yoo guise imajun if dey gawt joey lo-renssh ta doo a Blosshum movie? Wheoa! [Ed. Note: I didn’t know that his schtick was being deaf at first. Makes it a lot funnier, doesn’t it?]
From DRAGONBALLZ IS A HIGH CLASS PRODUCTION
Chodin says: i’d fuck jodi foster from "nell". chika-bayyyyyyy, chika-bay-hay….., chicka-tayyyyyy…..
And last but not least, I’d like to point out that many funny comments from last week were very good, but passed over on account of being too long. I made one exception, and I think you’ll agree that it was deserving:
From WOMEN BE SHOPPIN’
BK says: Coming soon to a theater near you: Gerard Butler and Matthew McConaughey and possibly Christian Bale* and Daniel Craig and Brad Pitt Have Really Nice Abs and Walk Around In Boxer Briefs Constantly While Eating Apples and Yelling Loudly At Exploding Heads While It’s Raining In a Discothèque, and They’re All Vampires Maybe. I bet I could charge the average woman $8.50 just to read that last sentence. Especially if the sentence had accompanying photos.
*So Hey, Don’t Rent Reign Of Fire Cuz It’s Basically The Same Thing But With Dragons. See Our Movie Instead.
That’s some good stuff.