Happy Monday, everyone. Jeez, anyone else super hungover? Okay, okay, I know this isn’t my personal nausea blog, enough with the small talk and let’s try to get through this without vomiting. It’s been a long time coming (unlike me!), but I think Drunkette Chino Moreno more than locked up top commenter this week:
[From Tarantino wants Will Smith for his slave western] Chino Moreno says: Will we get to see him get whipped back and forth?
Chino Moreno says: He whistled for a boat and when it came near, the license plate said Amistad and he picked cotton for a year.
[From Will Smith has a ridiculous trailer (which for some reason turned into a “Will Smith is so white…” thread)] Chino Moreno says: Will Smith is so white, he yelled to the cabbie ‘Yo homes, thanks for picking me up at any time during the day or night!'”
[From Emily Browning plays a comatose prostitute again] Chino Moreno says: Lame. I don’t need drugs to just lay there during sex.
[From Brad Pitt will teach your child to box] Chino Moreno says: I’d like to teach Brad Pitt a thing or two… (*points to box*)
Ladies don’t need to refer to their box to make me laugh, but it helps. Honorable mentions after the jump.
From Vin Diesel likes Fast Five‘s Oscar chances:
Jacktion! says: I don’t think Vin Diesel could win a Vin Diesel look-alike contest.
From Your Daily Rust-Covered Rape Fan:
Robopanda says: “Force” isn’t written on the side of that as a Star Wars reference alone.
From Pretty Women Falling Down:
Patty Boots says: Because if a pretty woman doesn’t have easily identifiable flaws, f*ck that bitch. […] Really, I want to know who decided that falling down a lot is relatable. Do we all have inner ear problems and weak ankles?
From Will Smith refuses to share his elevator with normal people:
Ace Rimmer Says: That’s only understandable. He got sick of people wishing him “welcome to Earff” every time they reached the ground floor.
And finally, Morton Salt contributed a valuable definition in our search to properly define “Juggalo Mugshot.”
Morton Salt says: A Juggalo Mughshot is when you find yourself with a psychopathic stillborn, and since Ninja’s got to pay bills and sh*t, you can’t afford a Hatchetman Casket, so instead you put the infant corpse on the Weber, and then collect the ashes in an empty Faygo 2-liter. When you try to scatter the ashes in the Family Dollar parking lot, the wind changes direction, and you get a face-full of dead juggalo ash, like so much Lebowski.
I guess I’m just a sucker for jokes about dead babies. Anyway, thanks for another week of being funny, everyone. Okay, not everyone, but thanks to the funny ones. As always, copy and paste your favorite comments from this week in the comments section below (it makes them easier to compile for next week’s Comments of the Week).