SITE NEWS BRIEF: Well, kids, daddy’s home. I can tell you all missed me by the way you kept telling Burnsy I’m not your real father and clung to Chodin’s leg as he walked out the door. Hey, I don’t blame you, they did a great job. It’s always a bad sign when you step out for a breather and your sub throws a 90-yard touchdown pass and bangs your girlfriend while you sit on the bench nursing a hangnail like a bitch. Well anyway, now I’m back and you’re going to have to live with me, for better or worse, even if the sex is terrible, even though you don’t really like me. Just like marriage.
COMMENTS OF THE WEEK PRIZE: Is An Education, starring Carey Mulligan and Peter Saaärsgåáørd, now available on DVD (trailer here). That’s right, they gave me a Best Picture, Best Actress, and Best Adapted Screenplay-nominated film so that I might reward your best poop and wiener jokes. I know, I was as surprised as you are, I nearly dropped my cat. But let’s not punch a gift whore in the mouth here. Buy the movie. Rent the movie. Foist it upon complete strangers. And say it was all because of FilmDrunk, your new family.
THE WINNER: Is Michelle07. I gave her a slight edge for these:
[From the New Miley Cyrus Movie Re-Enacted Through Exposition in Scathing Reviews] Michelle 07 says: It’s a good thing we aren’t in the same room or my Miley Cyrus imitation would drive you all wild.
*sucks saliva over teeth, mouth agape, starts singing about turtle coons*
[From Controversy Surrounds Ticked-Off Trannies With Knives Premiere] Michelle 07 says: You’ll notice there are no axe wounds.
HONOR ROLL STUDENTS:
Stone Soup says: I had to break out my FleshLantern for this one.
Jacktion! says: Damn, they stole the title of my script about a dystopian future where all mothers are forced to live in ghettos.
Michelle07 says: That really just made me want to fill up my #1 MOM mug with more wine.
Chareth Cutestory says: It also had vampire baseball? Let me guess, Pattinson plays catcher.
Chareth Cutestory says: Pattinson would charge the mound, but he’s allergic to it.
ChinoMoreno: Do vampire baseball players turn into bats when it’s their turn to hit?
From the Picture of Me and James Nguyen:
Shop 101 says: James Nguyen looks so… pleased.
blink twice if that’s a hostage situation
ChinoMoreno says: I hope they shoot this in shaky cam.
From the New Trailer for The Expendables:
Pauly Dangerously says: This movie made my balls drop….into my socks.
Fek’lhr says: I gotta be frank, if she ain’t getting DPed by black guys, I ain’t interested.
Miley: Help me nurse the baby turtles.
Volleyball Dude: Sorry, babe, I’ve got to leave for the volleyball championships in New York. We get to play at the top of the World Trade Center.
Volleyball Dude: Tomorrow…September 11th, 2001.
Miley: I hope you get crushed!
Let’s just say I was impressed. Like, ping-pong ball trick impressed. I look forward to more delightful commenting, but please, make choosing next week’s winner a little easier on me, would you?