Well brace your knees and trim your goatees, FilmDrunkards! It’s time for comments of the week.
Heavens me. First and foremost I simply must apologize for my unannounced sabbatical. Between collectin’ rare fabrics in Bali and exfoliating in the La Brea tar pits, I couldn’t possibly find the time to entertain myself with your comments. But by the beautiful blessins of our bountiful God, I am covered in boiling filth and my collection is complete. Let us commence.
It seems the Frotcast is picking up speed. I can hardly remember a day when the Comments of the Week thread had any good references, but, what with Whoop Dreams and all, seems like the tides is turning.
Ajjara: The real question is whether Ben is always that fit or if he worked out for the movie? Because he looked like he was auditioning for Zach Snyder’s Schindler’s List.
It might sound silly for me to be sayin’ this, but I ain’t never met a Jew in real life. I assume they’re all hidin’ a roided-up super body under their greasy exoskeletons.
And what about Star Wars? I know it’s been an agonizing minute since you last heard about it (for those of you who don’t know, it’s this fantasy brand about clumsy exposition), but when we last checked in, Lupita Nyong’o was bein’ cast as Luke Skywalker.
MickTravis4Life: If Lupita Nyong’o plays a Jedi, they could just use her real name. And then she teams up with other new Jedi, like B’nai B’rith and Milf Fiesta.
And you’re right, Mr. Travis, she’s got a funny name. You know who else got one o’ them funny names? Chloë Moretz, a child who you all want to bone.
BackToTheSutures: 2014- Transformers: Age of Extinction
2015- Avengers: Age of Ultron
2016- X-Men: Age of Apocalypse
2017- Kick-Ass: Age of Consent?
Welllll well well, Mr. Sutures. You won’t have to wait that long. Only one more year until we get to complain about who Chloë Moretz is “dating.”
Okay, enough of all that. For those in need of more comments, I kindly direct you to the superb Tarantino-Thurman dating thread. As always, I enjoy your foot fetish puns like Quentin, my fellow Tennesseean, enjoys sucking on a rancid bunion. For those in need of a winner, park y’asses and bow down. This week’s spoils go to Martin, for his I’m Mad As Hell, And I’m Not Gonna Take This Any More punches at the great state of California:
Martin: Feeling shame is a felony in California.
Yes it is, Martin. Yes it is, and I feed upon that repressed shame. For every strut, glance in the mirror, creative concession, and forgone traffic-wave, for every recent grad falling on some coke-addled agent’s sword in hopes of getting their notes read and every investor pimping their game-changing dog treat delivery app; I feast, like you, in evil. Hear me, Cali. Forget your shame. Hide it. Put it away. Gimme.
Martin, as promised, you are solely responsible for the fall of net neutrality. Everyone else, remember to keep your wits about you, and nominate your favorite comments in the comments section to this very thread. Next week’s winner gets to help me pick out footstools for my gout.
Editor’s Note: Now that we’re back on track, I can announce that this week’s winner will get a copy of the Blazing Saddles 40th Anniversary Blu-Ray. So get out there and comment good!