Blessed is s/he who, in the warted face of adversity, makes a funny internet comment. The brave commenters of FilmDrunk and the larger Uproxx network are herein honored for their wit, vulgarity, awareness, and amusing lack of sympathy for the rich and famous. Let us begin.
From Chareth’s award-winning (in spirit) post about Kevin Smith ejaculating nostalgic tears during his visit to the Star Wars set, there are many of you who deserve mention for your meanness, and shame for your sincerity.
Rawhead Wrecks: “The craft services table…there was so much food…of all kinds…I was just overwhelmed…they said I could have anything I wanted! I broke down in tears at the grandeur of it all!”
Pretzelman [reply]: All you can eat omelette bar.
Verbal Kunt: Kevin Smith had the same look on his face the last time he flew in an airplane and the armrest between his two seats wouldn’t go up.
Patty Boots: I’d like to imagine that Harrison Ford was sitting in the background and mumbling obscenities about this tubby manchild.
Digital Wonderbread [reply]: But enough about George Lucas.
Bravo, bitches. But you hurt the fanboys’ feelings:
agent 101: Wow….. F*ck you…. lol
Haters Gonna Hate!
Doug Glatt: You called Kevin Smith a fanboy…. maybe later you can post an article calling Snoop Dogg a pothead
Mr. Foo: Your inner child must have died a slow death of asphyxiation. If I was on the set of the new Star Wars I’d probably shed a tear or two when I saw the Millenium Falcon, or an actor in Jedi robes. Kevin Smith has loved Star Wars his entire life, don’t rain on his parade because you dislike him.
xxnitzguyxx: First of all I cant take someone named Chareth Cutestory seriously. I hope that name is made up and if it is its still pretty lame. Second you bash on Kevin like he stole your prom date in highschool. kevin Smith has a fan base, a fan base that continues even till now. And saying he doesnt do anything new or new for him. Did you see Red State? Besides seeing someone who works as an online writer bash someone as much as Chareth does to Smith is pathetic. Smith is a geek Icon who has been in the business for Years, hes at the poitn where he can do what he wants and so far continues to do what his fans want of him. Also I dont see you getting invited to the star wars set, oh ya, because youre just a writer for uproxx. This article basically said “Hi, Imchareth and i need something to write about so people will read my articles so i wont be fired.”
And the crowd goes wild! Hundreds of losers wobble onto the field to celebrate your unyielding endorsement of a franchise that was lazily sold to your 8-year-old self! Congratulations! Moving on, and shit like that. Bum-chasing McDonald’s-loving Shia Lebeouf pulled an Amanda Bynes and is being probably legitimately mentally ill to the point where I feel weird making fun of him. But not the suffering of the homeless!
kazoshay: “hobo mcdonald’s keepaway” > soccer
Why isn’t there sped up TMZ footage of with Yakety Sax playing? Damn you, Harvey.
How about that Gun Woman trailer, huh? Boobs, pissing, blood, rape scenes, all the goodies if you measure movies by how often you think “that’s f*cked up.” It’s about a woman who gets her boob shot off, which didn’t jiggle well with one of our favorite female commenters:
ChinoMoreno: I prefer to have my boobs shot on.
Get it, gurl. ChinoMoreno, everyone! Keeping up her tradition of showing up once a month with comments of pure gold. But this week’s winner is a bit of a wild card, a parody of inside baseball and fanaticism that I hope you Frotcast fans will appreciate. From the Frotcast 210 post:
BothTeamsPlayedHard: You guys really should promote the podcast as “The Best Simulation of actually having friends that could come from your computer’s speakers while drinking alone”
/signed not BurnsyFan
BurnsyFan66: Podcast friendships are a real thing!
I mean, I see Vince and Ben almost everyday, since moving into their apt building. I hang with them when they go to get coffee, standing in line behind them laughing at their jokes. And when they sleep, I sneak into their living room (aka Frotquarters) and goof around on Vince’s soundboard and stuff, pretending we are recording an episode. My Fake Vince doing a Fake Bret is priceless!
…And if that’s not best friends, then I don’t know what is!
If that’s not great schtick, then I don’t know what is (and may God have mercy on the Frotcast crew). Congratulations, BurnsyFan66. Unfortunately, my cardboard blog got shut down by the NSA, so there’s no prize. To the rest: remember to keep your wits about you, and to nominate your favorite comments in the comments section of this very thread. Next week’s winner gets to play for Brazil’s national football team.