Couch Movies: ‘Olympus Has Fallen’ Vs. ‘White House Down’ Edition

"Yo I tolds u, I kno some1 who let us in VIP."

“Yo I tolds u, I kno some1 who let us in VIP.”

Couch Movies is our weekly guide to VOD, OnDemand, Netflix – anything you can watch without getting your fat off the couch, the way God intended.

Aside from a few passing comments throughout the summer, I haven’t been able to fully weigh in on a side-by-side comparison of this year’s action doppelgangers, Olympus Has Fallen and White House Down. Fortunately, they’re both available on Netflix and VOD, respectively, this week and I can finally watch them both back-to-back and use things like science and the beating heart of a true American to determine which is the better 2013 patriotic action blockbuster.

Both films obviously involve token white heroes thwarting terrorist schemes to take the White House, and because of that, people have been quick to pass them off as Oreo and Hydrox. Because Olympus Has Fallen came first, a lot of people think that White House Down was the ripoff, despite the fact that the latter’s script sold for a hilariously absurd $2 million.

None of that matters, though. This is something that has happened in Hollywood for a long, long time, and it will continue to happen well beyond our final days on this planet. All we can do is endlessly compare them and debate which one is better until you and I hate each other. We’re Americans, that’s what we do.

Oh, and there are some other movies available on Video on Demand and Netflix this week, so we can talk about those, too.

New on VOD and Streaming: White House Down, Olympus Has Fallen, CBGB, Flight, Hellbenders, The English Teacher, Ass Backwards, Cold Turkey, The Motel Life, The Citizen, Assassin’s Tale

Are any of these worth watching? Let’s investigate. But first and foremost…

WHD

White House Down (VOD)

Starring: Channing Tatum, Jamie Foxx, James Woods, Maggie Turtlehaal

The White House is under siege in this action thriller from Independence Day director Roland Emmerich and The Amazing Spider-Man’s writer James Vanderbilt in this Sony Pictures release. Channing Tatum stars.

Should You Watch It? Aside from This is the End, White House Down may have been the funniest movie that I watched in 2013. The action was absurd, the plot absurder, the acting absurderer and the classic signs of a Roland Emmerich movie were the most absurdist of absurderererered absurd. I love this movie, C-Tates or not.

Olympus Has Fallen

Olympus Has Fallen (Netflix)

Starring: Gerard Butler, Aaron Eckhart, Morgan Freeman, Angela Bassett

When the White House (Secret Service Code: “Olympus”) is captured by a terrorist mastermind and the President is kidnapped, disgraced former Presidential guard Mike Banning finds himself trapped within the building. As our national security team scrambles to respond, they are forced to rely on Banning’s inside knowledge to help retake the White House, save the President and avert an even bigger crisis.

Should You Watch It? Olympus Has Fallen wasn’t funny and it didn’t have any of the classic “No way in hell does this guy expect us to buy this bullsh*t” charm that comes with an Emmerich movie, but it was the superior straight-faced action film. Does that mean I like it better?

HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL NAW, BEEYOTCH. C-TATES 4 LYF SON WHAT

So that’s solved now, and nobody ever has to talk about it again.

Around The Web

Featured

Chris Hardwick Talks ‘Funcomfortable,’ His Dad’s Personal Mantra, And Keeping A Crazy Schedule

Is There More To The Adam Walsh Story?

Stand-Up Comedy Scared The Hell Out Of Me, So I Decided To Give It A Shot

W. Kamau Bell On Joking With The KKK For CNN And Quoting Malcolm X In His New Special

Chef Jonathan Bennett Shares His Fourteen ‘Can’t Miss’ Food Experiences In Cleveland, Ohio

Jen Kirkman Talking About Her New Book Will Make You Want To Write Your Own

Your Travel Guide To Every ‘Archer’ Location On The Planet

Drifters Take Note: This Couple Has Crucial Advice For Long-Term Travelers

‘Rad’ Star Bill Allen Looks Back On Helltrack And That Iconic BMX Prom Scene, 30 Years Later

Key And Peele Talk About ‘Keanu,’ Why Cats Are Funny, And What They’ll Do If Fame Doesn’t Work Out

Meet Christine Sun Kim — The Sound Artist Who’s Changing The Way We Listen

Presented By
The All-New Prius

UPROXX 20: Jon Lajoie Wishes He Could Go Back In Time To Buy Netflix Stock, Just Like You