COWBOYS! ALIENS! ROCKET HANDS! OLIVIA WILDE NAKED!

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04.15.11 12 Comments

Don't let the aliens butt probe me, James Bond

Cowboys and Aliens, the second release (after I Am Number Four) under the newly-reshuffled Dreamworks arrangement, from director John Favreau and the writers of Lost, Iron Man, and Star Trek, opens July 1st.  The new, extended trailer hit late last night, and man, between this, Sucker Punch, and Your Highness, 2011 has been a great year for 13-year-old’s wet-dream movies.

DUDE! What if COWBOYS fought ALIENS!

YEAH! And then JAMES BOND was there!

YEAH! And INDIANA JONES!

YEAH! And then what if James Bond had amnesia! And kept gradually remembering what a badass he is, LIKE JASON BOURNE!

YEAH! And what if amnesia Jason James Bond Bourne had to kill the aliens WITH ROCKET HANDS!

LIKE IRON MAN!

YEAH!  (*lights frog on fire, shoots it out of potato gun*)

All I’m saying is, one of these aliens better have three tits.

[HD available at Apple]

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Vince Mancini is a writer, comedian, and podcaster. A graduate of Columbia’s non-fiction MFA program, his work has appeared on FilmDrunk, the UPROXX network, the Portland Mercury, the East Bay Express, and all over his mom’s refrigerator.

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