Late yesterday afternoon Warner Bros released the trailer for Tim Burton’s Dark Shadows, which stars Johnny Depp, Michelle Pfeiffer, Eva Green, and Chloe Moretz (think unsexy thoughts, think unsexy thoughts…). Depp plays Barnabas Collins, an 18th Century playboy who, after breaking the heart of a witch, is turned into a vampire and buried alive, only to be accidentally awoken in 1972 by Jackie Earle Haley, who was in the midst of searching for the Collins family jewels in order to-zzzzzzzzzzzz. Whoa, I lost consciousness there for a second. Anyway, follow me after the jump for a trailer that sucks harder than a disco-era vampire. You guys, I’m kidding!
Barnabas Collins sounds like the name of the personal valet at whose feet Gwyneth Paltrow routinely tosses sub-par cucumber soup. Either that or a vampire from an obscure 60’s daytime serial. Either one, really.
Now, admittedly I know nothing about the original series, but if you enjoy Tim Burton’s campy-goth aesthetic, it looks like you’ll be on board with this fish-out-of-water yuk-em-up. Regardless, it’s nice to see Jonny Lee Miller getting work. I’m told he was last seen furiously mashing the asdf keys on his Mac Powerbook in a sad attempt at hacking into the public library’s Wi-Fi. Oh, and Jonny? Matt Ufford called. He’d like his face back.