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03.31.09 25 Comments

Diora Baird is possibly the hottest girl ever.  Tiny freckles?  Boobs that piss in gravity’s face?  Yes, please.  Normally, she looks like what you see above.  So I was a little surprised to find that in the Star Trek trading cards MTV discovered, she looks like this. …Why, God, why?

I know she’s playing an Orion Slave Girl (who have green skin) but they normally look like this.  They have light-green skin, they don’t look like they’re auditioning to be a space minstrel. This is like puking on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, as my uncle once did time for.  Between trying to make Diora Baird look bad and the creepy androgynous Spock, I’m beginning to wonder if JJ Abrams drinks from the penis-shaped bowl.  (too subtle?)

UPDATE: Having seen the film, I can confirm what a commenter or two has already pointed out – that the Orion Slave Girl in the picture is Rachel Nichols, not Diora Baird.  Why Diora Baird’s name was on MTV’s picture or why she was listed on IMDB when as far as I could tell she wasn’t in the movie is anyone’s guess.

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Vince Mancini is a writer, comedian, and podcaster. A graduate of Columbia’s non-fiction MFA program, his work has appeared on FilmDrunk, the UPROXX network, the Portland Mercury, the East Bay Express, and all over his mom’s refrigerator.

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