This is the trailer for Dolph Lundgren starrer Direct Contact, something I’m discouraged from having with my ex-girlfriend by a series of increasingly draconian court rulings but I digress. The funniest part about it isn’t the chrome-on-3D-lettering studio logo at the :16 mark. Nor is it the bad Russian accents, the number of times Dolph uses an open-hand slap, the rape-y interactions with his co-star, or even his Stallone-on-quaaludes delivery. No, the funniest part about Direct Contact is that it was made in 2009 and not 1991. In fact, you might wanna throw on your Oakleys before you watch it. It’s so grunge, it’ll blow the graffiti off your JNCO pants.
WRONG. *YOU’RE* STUCK IN HERE WITH *DOLPH*.