DORKTASTIC G.I. JOE UPDATES

Senior Editor
10.05.07 35 Comments

IESB has the latest on Stephen Sommers’ planned G.I. Joe movie, which is great news for the six creepy man-children who actually care.  Hopefully they can tear themselves away from the 2-year-old copy of "Soldier of Fortune"  on the bathroom floor of the County Hall of Records where they work as a custodian long enough to check this shit out.  On another note, where’s sargeant slaughter here going with leather gloves but no sleeves?  Did someone at perverted justice suggest this outfit?

Anyway, you might want to slather on some preventitive clearasil:

The Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow story arch (god, I love Ninjas) will be a main focal point and the “soul” of the film.
The villains of course are Destro, the Baroness and Cobra but we have been told that Cobra Commander will have more of a “Emperor Palpatine”-like character arch. The Joes will be mainly facing Destro and the Baroness.
Helping Cobra will be one of the coolest groups of characters from the G.I. Joe comics and cartoons…the Dreadnoks.
The mercenaries known as Dreadnoks lead by Zartan including his brother and sister Zarana and Zandar will be the hired muscle that Cobra will use in its day to day operations. Zartan is known for his martial arts ability as well as his mastery of disguise. Additionally, through genetic manipulation, Zartan is able to change the color of his skin to blend in with his surroundings.

"Story arch", I wonder if those are like the golden arches… But yeah, the Drednoks – they always featured prominently in the epic battles I’d stage in my room… uh, I mean, in the nerds I’d stuff in their lockers! STOP LOOKING AT ME!

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