DUMBING DOWN THE KIDS (UPDATED)

03.10.08 10 years ago 242 Comments

(click on thumbnail below to see the poster for the new Ice Age movie, Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs

Kid movies tend to focus on talking animals, so it’s a little weird to bash them for historical inaccuracy.  But still, some shit is just crossing the line. A movie that came out a few years ago Barnyard comes to mind – I can’t remember the name, but it had animated cows with distinctly male voices (Sam Elliott!) sporting comical udders on their chests.  C’mon man, that ain’t right.

You wouldn’t draw a donkey with a big, dangly cock and then cast Cameron Diaz as the voice, would you?  That’s like expecting us to believe Paris Hilton as the fairy-tale hottie. My point is: you shouldn’t call a movie set in the ice age Dawn of the Dinosaurs.  Can’t they just change the setting to another planet, or a parallel universe or something?  Seriously, it’s an easy fix.  

Kids are easily confused as it is – we don’t need to make it any tougher on them by making movies called Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs, Civil War: A JFK Story or Drano: The Wonder TonicI blame so much of my short-term memory problems on all those The Pass-Out Game Club books I used to read.  Every day my Little League coach would tell me I was special because we had our own little secret… wait, what was I talking about again?   

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