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06.23.09 22 Comments

Look, let’s get one thing straight: no one expects Transformers 2 to be classic cinema. Michael Bay’s best movie was The Rock, which is only good in a tongue-in-cheek sort of way, and this one’s a sequel of a film based on toy cars.  But having realistic expectations doesn’t mean I can’t still love the awful reviews as I would my own son.  Here’s what Ebert had to say:

“Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen” is a horrible experience of unbearable length, briefly punctuated by three or four amusing moments. One of these involves a dog-like robot humping the leg of the heroine. Such are the meager joys. If you want to save yourself the ticket price, go into the kitchen, cue up a male choir singing the music of hell, and get a kid to start banging pots and pans together. Then close your eyes and use your imagination. […]
I find it amusing that creatures that can unfold out of a Camaro and stand four stories high do most of their fighting with…fists. Like I say, dumber than a box of staples. They have tiny little heads, except for Starscream®, who is so ancient he has an aluminum beard. [Sun-Times]

I love when Ebert trashes something.  But I might argue that a “horrible experience of unbearable length, briefly punctuated by three or four amusing moments,” is actually a metaphor for the human experience.  (*takes drag off clove cigarette*)

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Vince Mancini is a writer, comedian, and podcaster. A graduate of Columbia’s non-fiction MFA program, his work has appeared on FilmDrunk, the UPROXX network, the Portland Mercury, the East Bay Express, and all over his mom’s refrigerator.

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