If the name “Eden Wood” doesn’t ring any bells, perhaps this YouTube video “Drunken Slurring Dwarf Sings Cutie Patooty,” will jog your memory. Wood, the Toddlers and Tiaras spinoff star who famously creeped out the world in an appearance on The Talk, singing lines like “I’m a little something, girl, you know I’m not snooty” – because that’s what we all look for in a tarted-up four-year-old, “Thank God, this chick’s not a prude!” – is set to star in a direct-to-DVD update on Little Rascals, from the director of Beverly Hills Chihuahua 2. That’s right, the director of the original Beverly Hills Chihuahua‘s price was too high.
Universal Studios Home Entertainment is bringing back The Little Rascals, the adventures of misfit kids who first took the world by storm in the 1920s and ‘30s with black and white shorts produced by Hal Roach.
Doris Roberts, Greg Germann, and Lex Medlin are among the adult stars that have been cast in the still-untitled straight to home feature which starts shooting this week. [THR]
I don’t know who those people are, but I’m shocked neither Eugene Levy or Richard Karn made it out for this one. Wood would obviously play Alfalfa’s love interest, Darla, which might be a biiit of a stretch, in that she’s used to being an object of affection, but usually for men much older, weirder, more… “pedophilic.” The original Little Rascals (aka Our Gang) famously launched the career of Robert Blake, who would go on to shoot his wife in the face outside a spaghetti restaurant†, so this seems like an apt career trajectory for Eden Wood. And by that I mean anyone involved with Toddlers and Tiaras should be fired into the sun.
Slowed down, the video is tolerable. At regular speed, it’s f*cking terrifying. Eden Wood is like the aliens from Mars Attacks. Ack ack ACK!
Robert Blake was in the original Little Rascals, and look, he turned out just fine!
†His actual defense was that he couldn’t have shot her, because he went back into the restaurant to collect a gun that he had left there.