I once ate pot brownies before seeing Harry Potter and got so high that I peed myself a little during the talking-wizard-hat scene. But even my poor judgment and weak tolerance pales in comparison to that of an LA man who had a full-on acid freakout in the middle of a screening of 2001: A Space Odyssey during a Kubrick retrospective at the Egyptian Theatre over the weekend, a disturbance which was filmed by at least five audience members. Thanks to the magic of the internet, someone out there (via Gawker) has already edited the five videos together. Clearly the drug man was trying to tell us something. [DISAPPOINTED FUTURE UPDATE: Apparently the guy who edited the videos together set his video to private, so you have to watch the raw ones. Thanks, A-hole.]
Here’s what the drug man said:
Everybody get rid of your drugs! No, LISTEN! Everybody listen to me—YES, FAT MAN! FAT MAAAAAN! GET RID!
We are all human beings! Is life a comedy? Is? Life? A? Comedy?
Everybody… IS! LOOK! PLEEEASE!
No, no, I know you guys fukin believe me!
What were we doing? BEFORE WE TOOK DRUGS, WHAT WERE WE DOING??!?
NIKKI! NIKKI CUMMINGS!
Clearly, all the guy needs is a trip coach to promise him that the future rabbits will be safe and fuzzy, if he can just RELAX and CALM DOWN. Nothing is fuked here, dude. Instead, everyone teams up to harsh his mellow and the guy, whose name appears to be Robert, gets more and more agitated. Him being what appears to be a decent-sized black dude with Bob Marley dreads, it eventually takes six to eight LA hipster pussies to shove him out the door and wait for the cops. He was reportedly taken to detox and hopefully retrieved by a friend the next morning, possibly Nikki Cummings. In his defense, I often wonder what I did with my life before I took drugs.