A few days ago, I brought you the important news that Eva Green’s poster for Sin City: Dame To Kill For had been unceremoniously banned (BANNED!) by the MPAA on account of showing too much of her awesome boobs. Did Dimension purposely put out a poster that would get banned so that all the blogs would cover it, using the easy click-bait of Eva Green’s awesome boobs to make their movie marketing go viral? A strategy of baiting the baiters (and ‘baters), so to speak? I guess we’ll never know. (Unless you count the studio sending the ban story out themselves as evidence, in which case, yeah, they totally planned that sh*t).
Anyway, it wasn’t until late yesterday that Eva Green finally broke her legendary silence about her boobs. What does she think about her boobs? How often does she touch them? Approximately how heavy are they? Are they firm to the touch, soft, or do they retain a bit when you squeeze them, like memory foam? Does she use lotions and exotic oils to keep them so supple? If so, what do they smell like, and how thoroughly does she apply? Does she apply them herself, or have a really good friend do it? Has she ever thought of asking a friend for help applying lotion to her awesome boobs? Say, Diora Baird? If Diora Baird applied lotion to Eva Green’s awesome boobs, would they both end up giggling?
Thank God Vanity Fair was there, asking the important questions about Eva Green’s boobs.
Let the record show that Eva Green—she of the so-sexy-it-was-banned-by-the-M.P.A.A. Sin City: A Dame to Kill poster—has no qualms about on-screen nudity.
F*CK NO SHE DOESN’T, BRO, CHEST BUMP!
The actress would like to point out one thing to the M.P.A.A.: “I’m not actually naked on the poster.”
Damn straight. Just ’cause you can see partial nips and hella underboob does not a naked lady make. Anyway, opaque clothing is for ugly people who don’t have awesome boobs.
“Oh, my God, I heard about that,” she said of the uproar. “I find it a bit odd. It seems like it’s all just publicity—a lot of noise for nothing. You have so many more violent things in the movie business and this is kind of soft. I’m not naked. It’s suggested.”
The poster may be soft, but you know what’s not? *THIS GUY*. Up top! (*chugs Natty, crushes on forehead*)
“It’s kind of beautiful. But if it shocks people, I don’t know what to do about it. I don’t want to upset anybody.” If she has any concern about her image on the now-infamous ad, it’s that audiences will correlate her with one particular kind of character: “I don’t want to be seen as just the femme fatale or put into some silly box.”
I GOT SOMETHING YOU CAN PUT IN YOUR SILLY BOX– (*hit in neck with tranq dart, thrown in van and driven off to horrible sex pun rehab*)
Here’s the new, toned-down poster:
And here’s the original, in ULTRA-HIGH RESOLUTION, because I know how much you guys care about pixel ratios.