The first bit of news I have to report is that the first pictures of Jason Momoa as Conan in the Conan the Barbarian remake have surfaced on a Robert E. Howard forum (via CHUD). The second bit of news I have is that apparently there are Robert E. Howard forums. I really need to catch up on my homoerotic pulp novels from the 30s. I know some people might point out that Momoa is Hawaiian not Samoan, and to those people I’d point out that “Conan” and “Hawaiian” don’t rhyme nearly as well.
To refresh your memory, this remake comes from Marcus Nispel, director of Pathfinder and a Friday the 13th remake, and the guys who wrote Sahara. Star Jason Momoa was previously in Baywatch: Hawaii, Stargate Atlantis, and a bar fight that required 140 stitches. He’s also married to Lisa Bonet, and between them and director Marcus Nispel, the Conan set has pound for pound the most disgusting grungy hippie hair of any film ever. I hear the teamsters could smell incense and B.O. from five miles away.
Long story short, I don’t know why anyone’s treating this movie like it’s a real movie and not just some bargain-bin, direct-to-DVD throwaway. The studio sure isn’t. Hmm, who should we get to replace one of the most iconic movie stars of the 20th century? Oh I know, we’ll get a Hawaiian model from a Baywatch spinoff. Problem solved, hookers and cocaine for everyone.