Word up, kemosuaves. Everyone’s favorite WASP Armie Hammer (the perfect choice for making Johnny Depp seem ethnic) was on Leno last night where he premiered the first trailer for The Lone Ranger, the over-budget, $250-million-plus train western from Gore Verbinski and Jerry Bruckheimer. This is the part of every Jerry Bruckheimer marketing campaign (again, I point out that Bruckheimer hasn’t made a good movie since his partner Don Simpson died) where he tricks me with his flashy visuals and period garb into almost wanting to see his movie. DAMN YOU, BRUCKHEIMER! YOU KNOW GUNS AND TOP HATS ARE MY WEAKNESS! But I know I’ll show up hoping for a straight period piece like Boardwalk Empire and I’ll get Kangaroo Jack with different costumes like always. Remember Kangaroo Jack? It’s about a CGI kangaroo that raps.
Johnny Depp’s Tonto has the potential to be incredibly racist, like an American Indian Al Jolson in crowface, but sadly, I’m not seeing it just yet. Just as a side note, “Tonto” means dummy or fool in Spanish, which sort of makes me wish for a version of the Lone Ranger where his sidekick was a little Mexican kid with Down’s Syndrome. We could get Crispin Glover to direct. Discuss.
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“Bill, look out! I think there’s an injun tryna couple with yer train!”