Florida Friday: A Tampa Woman Was Arrested For Stabbing A Man In The Butt At McDonald’s

Welcome to Florida

If you thought that the only danger of eating at McDonald’s was the chemicals used in preserving the so-called meat during the manufacturing and storage processes or listening to Jennifer Aniston make fun of poor people, haha, you are sorely mistaken. Eating at a McDonald’s in Tampa, Florida, for example, can cause health issues of an entirely different manner, as you could walk away with an extra hole in your butt.

On Wednesday morning, a man named Mohammad Abukhder was waiting at the McDonald’s drive-thru, perhaps to get himself a morning treat, when a 45-year old woman named Rebecca Simmons tried to cut him in line. Because that kind of behavior is not tolerated anywhere on this planet and several others, Abukhder let Simmons have a piece of his vulgar mind, and she reacted in the most Florida way imaginable.

Abukhder shouted profanities at Simmons, who then got out of her vehicle and allegedly stabbed the hood of Abukhder’s car with a knife.

Abukhder then got out of his car and walked over to Simmons vehicle in an attempt to take her car keys so she would not leave the scene. Deputies say that’s when Simmons stabbed him in the right buttocks, causing a small puncture wound.

Simmons was arrested at the scene and charged with aggravated battery with a deadly weapon and criminal mischief with property damage.

Deputies say Abukhder’s injury was minor and did not require medical attention. Damage to his car is estimated to be $200. (Via Tampa Bay 10 News)

I’d make fun of this story more, but I actually checked the Florida laws and realized that it is perfectly legal for a woman to stab a man in the ass for not allowing her to cut him in line for processed food. It’s part of the Gentleman’s Obesity Act of 1936. Not only will Simmons not be punished, but she can now challenge Governor Rick Scott to a knife fight for his title.

Bugs Florida

(Original banner via DonkeyHotey/Flickr)

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