UPDATE: A lawyer called our 1-900-FILMDRUNK sex hotline to confirm that the script is a fake, just like I had predicted. For next week’s prophecy I’ll be revealing the Powerball numbers.
This morning I got an email from I guy with a story about how he has a friend who works in a studio. The story was sort of involved, but long story short, the friend saw the script for G.I. Joe 2 (written by Zombieland’s Paul Wernick and Rhett Reese) entitled “Twin Parallax” lying around, so he stole it, and left a copy in its place. The emailer included a PDF of the script in question. As for the guy’s motives, he says:
I’d like the next Joe movie to be MUCH better than the last, and maybe if this story gets out now, it will force them to change some of the weaker elements for the better. My friend will probably kill me for this, but I’m tired of Hollywood making inferior products based on beloved franchises who aren’t given the proper respect. Obviously this isn’t the final draft, the producers have said as much in recent days, but I’m guessing this is the draft he was reading from in that interview:
Something about the story doesn’t quite add up for me. Am I to believe this guy scanned all 126 pages of the rough draft of a script and sent it to a bunch of movie blogs just so that the studio would “respect” G.I. Joe 2? The pages also seem very uniform for scans of a hard copy. I’d include it for you here, but ever since Apple showed up at the Gizmodo guy’s house and stole his dog and raped his girlfriend, I’m a little cautious about disseminating material that might have been stolen. Also, the guy says his friend stole the original and left a copy in its place. Wouldn’t you steal the original, make a copy, and leave the original back where you found it? And why go to the trouble of copying it THEN scanning it?
Anyway, I guess I’ll read the thing and tell you about it. But 126 pages seems like a lot of reading to do just to find out what GI Joe 2 is about. Especially when I could be reading, you know, books. Me reading this script would be kind of like me reading the instructional manual to a Segway. I don’t own a Segway. I’m probably not going to buy a Segway. I think Segways make you look a retard from the future, so I’m not sure why I’d care. I’d much rather read Burnsy’s fictionalized Channing Tatum inner monologue than actual Channing Tatum dialogue, ya heard? (*mumble, mumble*). Anyway, I’ll keep you updated as this story develops, but for the record, my take on this is that it seems like a guy’s ploy to get people to read his spec script. If you want to break into Hollywood, just make a short film about aliens, dude.