It’s that time of year again, where the internet is flooded with photos and stories directly from the Gathering of the Juggalos. Only this year, it looks as if these updates from deep within the Dark Carnival are happening in real time. The Gathering of the Juggalos has moved from the desolate, cell-phone-serviceless wasteland of Cave-In-Rock, Illinois to the more hospitable and less isolated Legend Valley Campground in Thornville, Ohio. The Gathering has just begun and already people are posting their experiences, and complaining about how last year was way better.
Daniel Hill and Drew Ailes of the River Front Times have released a list of “Ten Changes to the 2014 Gathering of the Juggalos After Its Move from Illinois to Ohio” and for the most part, I feel pretty relieved to be not there this time around. But there are a few things that kind of make me miss wish I could perhaps teleport there for just a moment. One of those things is the fact that apparently Gary Busey’s nephew, Mike Busey, is operating a strip club from within the festival.
6. Outdoor Strip Club Operated by Gary Busey’s Nephew
Yep. This is a thing. We heard the city “Orlando” mentioned by the emcee, so you can probably piece together the rest. And before you ask, of course there are commemorative T-shirts to support whatever the f*ck this is actually for.
You might be asking yourself “who the hell is Mike Busey, aside from the nephew of Gary Busey?” After a quick look at his website, in particular the section titled “who is Mike Busey?”, the answer is simple: Mike Busey is a the biggest tool on the planet. He is the tool emperor. He is the 6 million dollar tool: created by science from spare parts of inferior tools. He is the alpha and the omega tool, eternal, without beginning or end. The Ouroboros tool. Here are just a few brief excerpts from his website:
My name is Mike Busey I work in the entertainment business. Host Of The Wildest Show N America The Mike Busey Live Stage Show & Owner Of The Wildest House N America
A writer / producer / actor / director / tour manager / promoter / casting director / radio show host / hype man / and personality……
I have been very lucky to have worked with some of the biggest names in the biz “Jackass, Three 6 Mafia, MTV, Girls Gone Wild, & Playboy to name a few….
“I got one foot in Hollywood the other foot in the dumpster!” Mike Busey
I am the proud owner & founder of the wildest home in America “The Sausage Castle” I have been evicted 5 times & counting…..
“If you got cancer call a doctor! If your looking for a good time call me!”
My living room has seen over 50,000 people over the years…..
A place visited by all star athletes, actors, reality stars, rockstar musicians & the random dude who woks at the local gas station @ my house you really never know who will show up!
“Most college kids have these lame keg parties, meanwhile I’m having firework displays and tour buses pulling up in my driveway.” Mike Busey
“I throw the parties that you see in the movies!” Mike Busey
By the way, that string of self-quotes and adolescent braggadocio appear in that exact order on his website. I have changed nothing. He is real life. One thing is clear from watching his promo video, Mike Busey and the Gathering go together like peas and carrots. Like Shaggy and Jay. Like Faygo and type-2 diabetes. I only wonder if Mike Busey’s strip club is competing with the Wolfpac girls’ stage (which is basically a strip club, except with less nudity yet more sadness.) This man, this creature, this legend, is at the Gathering of the Juggalos right now – and I’m totally kicking myself for missing it. Oh well, there’s always next year.