Folks, honest Injun, I had no idea my coverage of Hazel “Two-Vag” Jones was going to eat up three separate posts today, but here we are. Uproxx’s own Cajun Boy has informed me that not only do pictures of Hazel Jones’s two vaginas exist, video of it is freely available on YouTube. I also turned up an article from Bizarre in which she poses holding double-sided dildos on her head like rabbit ears and squirts honey onto her crotch with two bottles. Oh, England. I haven’t loved you this much since Gordon Ramsay’s porn dwarf was eaten by badgers.
The doctor inserted an ultrasound probe into both of Hazel’s holes to produce a picture of what her whisker biscuit looked like inside, then explained Hazel’s condition to her. “I thought it was a sick joke and I was shaking with shock,” Hazel recalls.
Once the news had sunk in, Hazel’s first thought was whether she might still be a virgin in one of her pussies.
They said the procedure might make her muffin look more ‘normal’ from the outside, but the operation carried risks. There was no guarantee that Hazel’s foo-foo wouldn’t be left badly scarred or wonky, and she was told that she’d have to insert surgical dildos into herself every day – the same type used by post-operative male-to-female transvestites – to stop the open wounds inside her va-jay-jay from fusing together as they healed.
“I’m different, but I’m not broken – so the way I see it, there’s nothing to fix,” she grins, proudly. “And I don’t want to put a scalpel near my cooch unless it’s absolutely necessary.”
UP THE DOUBLE DUFF?
[husband] Riki claims that Hazel’s vaginas feel more excitingly tight than other women’s due to the extra skin inside her. People often ask Hazel if she can fit two penises inside her at once, which she can’t… however, she can do two, extra-loud, voluntary, simultaneous fanny farts!
That’s proof if ever it was needed that Hazel’s crotch isn’t botched – it’s evolved. Two wizards’ sleeves equals extra magic! Hazel would like to thank her family, HUSBAND Riki, and best friend Holly Mamie for their support. Yin-yang minges rule! [BizarreMag]
Well I don’t know about you, but my brain’s vaginal-pun receptors have been forever burned out. “Gash converters,” “yin-yang minge,” “simultaneous fanny farts,” “scalpel cooch” — you could name a thousand punk bands with that article.