This crochet dwarf helmet and beard (SO MUCH BEARD!) seems like a rather elaborate way to keep your tits warm, but I must admit that it is fetching. This is allllmost enough to make wish I’d learned to crochet. Me, I prefer crotchet. It’s like crochet, but with more thrusting. By the way, did you know “crotchet” is a real word? It means “an odd fancy or whimsical notion.” Aren’t you glad we learned something while I was wildly digressing?
This beanie/tit blanket may look labor intensive, but think of it this way: you could teach yourself to crochet and complete one of these in less time than it would take to watch all three Hobbit films. Or, if you wanted to do it Peter Jackson style, you could just attempt this, be completely ineffective the entire time and then have Gandalf come in at the last second and miracle your ass one.