HUGE FAKE NEWS ABOUT PIRATES 3 OR 4 OR WHATEVER!

10.09.08 9 years ago 47 Comments

Jerry Suckheimer officially locked down Johnny Depp for Talking Monkeys of the Carribbean 4 last week, a role for which the Daily Mail recently reported he’ll be paid $55 million, not including whatever piece of the back end he’s getting [**winks**].   Keep in mind The Daily Mail is British and all British people are all liars.  Today, an even more bogus-sounding set of rumors, from the ever-reliable “proven informant who wishes to remain anonymous”.

…there are talks of Captain Jack having a brother in the next movie, possibly to be played by Sacha Baron Cohen (perfect!) or Russell Brand (even more perfect!) Of course, that’s probably just fantasy casting, but why would either of those comedians turn the role down? As we’ve mentioned before, the new movie might kick off a trilogy, which would revolve around Captain Jack’s search for the Fountain of Youth [I think you just answered your own rhetorial question there, bub. –Ed.]
Geoffrey Rush and director Gore Verbinski are apparently both planning to return, but… and this is a big maybe… Tim Burton might direct instead. Tim Burton! [CinemaBlend]

Omg omg omg!  **flaps hand in face**  This could be better than a sequel to Mars Attacks! Last I heard, Tim Burton was working on Alice in Wonderland, but whatever.  I didn’t think Johnny Depp would be part of this horrible abortion either, but then I didn’t know they’d be paying him the equivalent of almost one and a half Spider-Man musicals.  As for Russell Brand, he was funny in Forgetting Sarah Marshall, but… does anyone else really really really wanna punch him in the face*?  Wash your goddamned hair, hippie.

*It’s second on the list behind “zigga zig ahh”.

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