I wish this kid would get addicted to heroin already

Senior Editor
08.06.10 41 Comments

It’s your lucky day, folks. Not only is it Friday, but I’ve got the first trailer for the Fred Figglehorn movie!  You can watch it above, or a higher-res version on Nickelodeon’s crappy player here.  The Fred phenomenon is strange and terrifying for anyone over the age of 12, so I’ll leave the synopsis to one of his fans:

Here is the official Fred the Movie trailer!!!!!!! Hope u like it :p Cant believe pixie lott is Judy and Sam from iCarly is Bertha lol. The plot is Judy moves away, and Fred goes to look for her, but he finds out that she only moved up the block XD you’ll be happy to know that his voice isn’t as squeaky so thats ok :)

Another user adds:

“mmmmm…… i’m gonna smell like green apples”! haha lmao

Lmao indeed.  Look, nothing against this kid, because as annoying as he is, he’s basically just a little kid whose obnoxiousness littler kids find entertaining, for whatever reason.  But if you take one thing away from this, it should be this: take a look around you. Do you hate your job?  I know I sure did. But as crappy as your job might be, at least you’re not the poor bastards who probably worked 15 hour days watching this kid do 12 takes of his grating shtick to help some suit at Nickelodeon cash in on this Fred thing.  Back when I was working as a grip and production assistant, I once worked on a commercial for this Indian casino.  The commercial involved an old lady winning a slot machine jackpot (after all, consider the target audience here), and I swear to God, I watched this old lady scream like she was having an orgasm probably 200 times in a row.  At the time I was thinking that starring in bukkakke porn would be less embarrassing than that lady’s job.  Today, I’m trying to imagine what it’d be like to replace that old lady orgasming with Fred f*cking Figglehorn, and then instead of the three days I worked on that commercial, four or six or eight weeks.  Now you have an idea of what the crew of Fred must’ve experienced.  Where’s Mike Rowe’s profile on these guys?  I hope you’re feeling cheered up right now, because even if you’re cleaning bed pans, I guarantee you your job is better than that.

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