Last night, Apple released the new trailer for Clint Eastwood’s J. Edgar, which will hopefully be awesome like Gran Torino and Mystic River and not sh*tty like Invictus and Changeling. Leonardo DiCaprio stars as the (snicker) titular J. Edgar Hoover, alongside Naomi Watts, Judi Dench, and Armie Hammer. Oh, poor J. Edgar Hoover. The guy practically invents modern law enforcement as we know it, spearheading fingerprint databases and the kind of forensic science that would eventually become the basis for countless terrible Jerry Bruckheimer TV shows, and here all I can do is make cheap gay jokes because he maybe liked to cross dress and had a manservant. But honestly, what am I supposed to say when the lynchpin line is “I want you to be my number two man,”? Especially when he says it to Armie Hammer while he’s making this face:
I couldn’t have come up with a better euphemism myself. Well, okay, maybe, “Mr. Tolson? I’d like for you to work tirelessly underneath me.”
Anyway, in addition to the gay stuff, I hope we finally get to see some hot Eleanor Roosevelt lesbo action. It’s been hinted at for too long, I want to see the old broad strap it on.