Clive Owen with a mustache! Robert Deniro with a beard! Jason Statham with a chair! It’s the new trailer for Killer Elite, which ponders the question, “What would an action movie starring Clive Owen, Bob Deniro, and The Stath look like?” The answer, it seems, is “Like every other Statham movie.” Specifically, punching, ‘splosions, and Jason Statham beating up Clive Owen with a chair while he’s still sitting on it. For additional commentary, we go to FilmDrunk Special Correspondent, The Stath.
Roighto, conts. Wew dis is Da Stafe’s new movie, now isn’ it. If oy moight be so bowde as ta ask, wha’ else da you fink da puntahs moight loike ta know? Da plot? Wew it ain’t exactly Merchant an’ Focken Oivory now is it, Tommy? Some conts ‘as gone an’ pissed off da Stafe, an now da Stafe ‘as to give ’em a propah thrashin, now don’ Oy. A course, there’s also a few fit birds ta knob, cheeky conts ta wink at, an fockin foiry fings ta smash inta ovva foiry fings until dey fockin explode, now don’t dey? Da knobbin’ birds paht is moy favrit paht, a course. Knobbin’ birds ‘elps give da Stafe strenff for delivrin’ thrashins’. What was it loike ta work wiv Cloive Owen, you ask? Wew dat’s a clevvah focken question, innit, Tommy? Oy’s nevah fought about dat befoah today, now ‘as Oy? Goal fockin stah for you, go to da ‘ead ov da clahss. Oy’d say it was a rewarding focken experience, as Da Stafe ‘as always wondered wot it’d be loike to thrash a porn stah ta deaff wiv ‘is own leavvah jacket, now ‘asn’t Oy. So dat wiz a dream come focken true, wasn’ it. Roight, so den dis ovva, oldah cont in a beahd showed up, ‘e wiz meant ta play Da Stafe’s favah or somefin loike dat, an’ da puntahs wiz loike, ‘Oi, Stafe, don’ you recognoize dis bloke?’ An Oy wiz loike, Oi, ‘e looks familiah, but it don’ ring a fockin’ bew, now does it. Da Stafe loikes movies, but oy ain’ exactly Quen’in focken Tahrintino, now is Oy.
