Here we have Johnny Depp’s face Photshopped onto someone’s body (here’s a close-up of his neck — you tell me what it looks like) in the final poster for The Rum Diary. Bruce Robinson’s adaptation of Hunter S. Thompson’s book opens October 28th. It’s a pretty cool poster, what with the spilled fish bowl and ocean of mini bottles covering the floor (though, again, I must point out, it could use more lizard tail). BUT. …I’m having a hard time focusing on anything other than Depp’s boxer shorts. Jesus Christ, were boxer shorts actually that big in the Eisenhower era? What are you supposed to wear over those, a onesie? They’re covering his goddamn belly button. There must be 18 inches of crotch seam (worst. porno. ever.).
Which reminds me — hey, hipsters, stop trying to make high waists happen. It’s not cute, or clever, or retro, or fashion forward, it’s just horribly unattractive. Probably the most unflattering look ever devised, in fact. I’m glad you’re a unique flower, but now your ass looks long and flat like a grandma centaur. And that is a very specific fetish, I assure you.