JUSTICE LEAGUE MOVIE STARRING EVERYONE!

Senior Editor
08.30.07 14 Comments

IESB has officially given up, and has now resorted to posting JLA movie "tips" from any jackass off the street.  They've basically turned into one of those shows on E! or VH-1 where people you've never heard of give your their take on the latest entertainment news. [News footage] *cut to hobo they found behind the studio*  "When I found out Lindsay was going to rehab, I was like, 'Wow!', I mean, I nearly dropped my can of piss!  I said to myself, 'Laserbeam, the aliens in your underpants will never believe this one.'"

Here's the "scoop" (of MY SHIT. Boosh.) from IESB reader "Actionboy":

WB is planning to cast very big for the heroes.  names thrown around: jake gyllenhaal, leo dicaprio, jessica bielmel gibson is liked for max lord.  scarlett johanssen for talia. bruce willis was mentioned for lex.  tom welling isnt happening.

I hope you've all learned a valuable lesson about avoiding the passive voice.  But wait, there's more! 

in the last 20-30 minutes of the film, a new threat will arrive.  its the agressor that has been at war with the white martians.  they have followed them to earth.  its darkseid!  darkseid and his army finds the white martians defeated and a new challenge in the JLA.  the JLA goes to battle with him and his personal cronies, while his army attacks the country.  in battle with darkseid himself, superman is killed!  now regretting her actions, and recognizing superman's heroism, wonder woman begs her gods to take her life force and spare superman's.  her gods comply.  wonder woman dies, and superman is revived.  he single handedly takes out darkseid.  the heroes are overwhelmed by the rest of his army though.  lex luthor appears on scene with his tech army (the one he was using to get the government contract against max lord).  together they stop the invasion.

And then he rubbed his box of Bugle Snacks and it turned into a hot lady genie who cured his dandruff and let him touch her vagina.  And then she magically transported them both to a land where no one would make fun of his stupid ponytail and they lived happily ever after.   

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