Senior Editor
02.24.10 11 Comments

(“You mean to tell me the entire last season of The Sopranos was a dream sequence?  That flies in the face of ‘Dallas’ vs. Board of Education.”)

If you want to get your script read in Hollywood, good luck.  As Allan Weisbecker says, “No one in Hollywood actually reads anything.”   Apparently, you’re better off sending it to the Supreme Court.

Conservative justice Antonin Scalia took time out of his busy schedule [Editor’s Note: *dismissive wank motion*] to write a letter to an aspiring screenwriter who asked 10 Supreme Court justices (including retiree Sandra Day O’Connor) to weigh in on a 12-page treatment for a comedy film about Maine seceding from the United States to join Canada. The scribe, Daniel Turkewitz, wanted to know how the secession issue would play out at the Supreme Court.

Only Scalia replied: “I cannot imagine that such a question could ever reach the Supreme Court. To begin with, the answer is clear. If there was any constitutional issue resolved by the Civil War, it is that there is no right to secede.”

Scalia has also been known to cite Season 2 of “24” to make a point on torture. “Jack Bauer saved Los Angeles … he saved hundreds of thousands of lives,” he was once quoted as saying. “Are you going to convict Jack Bauer?” [Reuters]

I know these guys are supposedly appointed for life, but if an eminent domain case ever comes before the court and this dude so much as whispers the word ‘unobtanium,” he’s fuc–ng fired.

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