Kazakhstan has a unique problem: before Borat, no one knew it existed. After Borat, everyone has heard of it, but only as a place where people poop in bags and show their sex pictures at the rodeo. Not surprisingly, a Kazakh filmmaker wants to show people the real Kazakhstan. Surprisingly, his plan for doing this is with a film called My Brother Borat, the plot of which concerns an American journalist who visits Kazakhstan and gets taken on a tour by Borat’s retarded brother, Bilo, who the Sagdiev family keeps in a cage and taunts with sweet vageen. Says director Erkin Rakishev:
“Recently, my friends who play water polo were telling me a story [Editor’s Note: In my mind, all Kazakhstani stories begin this way]. At an international chaampionship, the teams were being announced. Sweden, England… and when it was the Kazakh team’s turn, the audience started laughing. So you see — we’re proud to call ourselves Kazakhs, but now we feel ashamed.
“Our goal is to show the real Kazakhstan. Through those two characters, and through the images in the background — the streets. the skyskrapers, the parks. This is what we want to show the international public. Yes, they [Fox, the studio behind Borat] can take it to court and even win the case. They might. But they will lose something else. They would lose an information war to me.”
I crush them, like Stalin. People will see Kazakhstan has cleanest prostitutes in all of Central Asia. All other countries have inferior potassium. …Sorry, the Borat jokes were unavoidable. The funny thing is, we already have a pretty popular Kazakhstani film director here in America — Wanted director Timur Bekmambetov, who was born in Guryev, Kazakhstan, and lived there until he was 19, and who is half Kazakh and half Jewish. That guy’s a master at making things look cool. Why not Kazakhstan? Maybe he can even shed some light on how his mother was able to keep the townspeople from crushing his Jew egg before it hatched at the annual running of the Jew. …You know… or maybe it’s just a depressing sh*thole he’d just as soon forget.