The trailer for Java Heat hit the Internet yesterday, and (once again) I thought, “Hell yeah, what’s that about – Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson play rival coffee shop owners who have to band together to fend off the major chain moving in on their territory with the CEO played by Vince Vaughn? And maybe Will Ferrell and Danny McBride show up in cameos as Columbian coffee bean pickers? That sounds hilarious!”
It turns out I’m super f*cking wrong about this one.
After terrorist attack rocks Indonesia and kills the country’s much beloved Sultana and her daughter is kidnapped, Jake (Lutz), a reckless American tough guy who becomes embroiled in the turmoil ensuing the attacks.
Jake is bent on vengeance but quickly finds the world a more complicated place than he can solve with violence alone. Lost among labyrinths of religious, political and cultural havoc, Jake must ally with cerebral Muslim detective Hashim (rising Indonesian star Ario Bayu), who handles Jake more like a suspect than a partner. The uneasy friendship leads to a treacherous man-hunt for the attack’s real instigator, a new breed of klepto-terrorist (Rourke), who is even more twisted and terrifying than the Jihadist terrorists he hides behind.
He’s not a regular terrorist. He’s a KLEPTO-terrorist, so he’ll try to blow up your building while he keeps taking your stuff, but it’s not like he means to steal your things, he just has to because it’s a mental problem, like an addiction. They’ll be like, “Oh no, here comes Malik. Hide your sunglasses. Oh, and run, because he’s going to fire a rocket at us.”