Kevin Smith’s transition from cult filmmaker to one-man media empire continues this week as Hulu has announced that Smith’s “anti-movie review” show, Spoilers, will premiere on Hulu starting June 4th. SPOILER ALERT: He wears his hockey sweater in the promos. Will he bring his calf-length shorts and stinky trenchcoat? Only time will tell, friends, only time will tell.
Smith calls it an ”anti-movie review show” where the filmmaker will take a bunch of fans to see ten summer blockbusters on opening day, forgoing the early critic screenings he abhors so much, and then have an in-depth discussion about its merits. “We don’t review movies, we revere movies,” he says.
Oh go f*ck yourself.
“We don’t really review it, we savor it, imbibe it like a liqueur, if you will.”
The film’s Smith and friends will review for these 10 episodes are as follows:
- Snow White and the Huntsman
- Rock of Ages [Editor’s Note: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA]
- Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter
- Magic Mike
- The Amazing Spider-Man
- Ice Age: Continental Drift
- The Dark Knight Rises
- The Watch
- The Bourne Legacy
- Total Recall
You know, I always used to like Kevin Smith, because he seemed straightforward and honest, and told great stories, and because it’s impossible not to respect a guy who maxed out all his credit cards and basically bet it all on an independent movie and won. But it’s gotten harder and harder to balance that admiration with how much this new fake-folksy schtick of his makes me want to drive railroad spikes into my ears. Poor filmmakers! They can never get a fair shake from REAL MOVIE FANS, what with the all-consuming juggernaut of the print industry and their meanie intellectual critics taking over everything! Why, these days, there’s only Comic-Con, Dragon-Con, Wizard-Con, Vampire-Con, Anime-Fest, Air Hockey-Con, Zombie Walk, Jorts-Con, and National Beard Day, and after that what is there? Why, I hardly hear what chubby shut-ins have to say at all! Thank you for finally giving them a voice, Kevin Smith! The ascotted snobocracy has had their say, and now it’s high time we heard from Joe Regular and Harry Mantits, the only true movie fans, the adult action-figure collectors.
Ugh. I don’t know, man. I’m all for discussing movies, obviously, but selling this as “true movie fans” vs. “negative critics” is like some weird, Nerd McCarthyism.