Was that last post about movie marketing, critics, and the New Yorker a little too intellectual for you? Well I’ve got just the palate cleanser — a new trailer for The Grey, a movie opening in January that’s about Liam Neeson fighting wolves. I would’ve loved to hear the pitch for this movie.
“Okay, so Liam Neeson plays this badass, right? And one day his plane goes down in the arctic.”
“And then what?”
“Well, that’s when the wolves come.”
“Wolves! Sweet! I’m loving this. Then what happens?”
“Uh, well, Liam Neeson fights them.”
“Say no more. I’m already writing you a check, Broheim.”
My only hope is that this has a scene where Liam Neeson gives a motivational speech in front of the other plane crash survivors. “If it’s food you’re after, I can tell you that I have none, and I certainly don’t have a GPS device. What I do have is a particular set of skills, skills that I’ve acquired over a lifetime of fighting wolves. Hopefully these skills will be enough to keep any of us from getting… Taken.” And then he’d wink and do a little gun fingers thing at the camera.
At the beginning of the trailer, Neeson’s voice over tells us, “I work security protecting man from the dangers they cannot see.”
Now, unless the screenwriter was being figurative to the point that his words were completely meaningless, there are two ways to read this. One, there’s a supernatural element, where Liam Neeson’s job is killing trolls or better yet, the WENDIGO. OR, the plot involves INVISIBLE MOTHERF*CKING WOLVES.
How do you kill invisible wolves? One by one, like Rambo.