Mark Wahlberg Is More Attractive Than Channing Tatum

Focus Features released some new stills and TV spots for the upcoming Channing Tatum film, The Eagle. And you can look at the pictures and you can watch the TV spots, but that’s not going to help the pain go away. What pain, you ask? Channing Tatum was named only the second most desirable male body this week, behind The Fighter star Mark Wahlberg. Our beloved Channing beat out male model and “actor” Tyson Beckford, according to the 14th Annual Famed Hottest Look Survey, but that’s just not enough for the Hardest Twerkin’ Man in Show Biznasty. As always, C-Tates was willing to stop by and share his thoughts, but he’s just not himself today…

Yo boo, so this is how it be, right? You gonna play ya boi, C-Tates like a chump with the second finest rump? For reals, I looked up to Marky Mark like a baby daddy growin’ up, heard? Boy had the tightest rhymes, like Third Bass type sh*t. But cracka’s like fiddy years old now, son. Time for him to step aside and let the C-Tates flavor soak yo bones, dig? Yo girl, like, I ain’t never been dissed like dis. Marky Mark was in The Fighter, right? C-Tates was in Fighting, yo. Homeboy’s steppin’ on my hot water dick, too legit to quit.

But yo girl, I’mma prove the whole world wrong. Deez abs be like dat Moanin’ Lisa beeyotch. Work of art, son WHAT! But u ain’t respekin dat. C-Tates be more than just a body, nephew. I’m a temple like Shirley, yo my muscles bein’ burley, I’mma slap yo neighbor like he’s Furley, and you can call me Moe cuz Marky Mark is Curly. Spittin’ hot fire legit in the 1-1. Word to yo moms, I’m out.

Poor guy. The Eagle TV spots after the jump…

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