Oh Hollywood, your grasp of slang terminology continues to amaze us all. Via Deadline comes the news that the latest outdated Internet era catchphrase to graduate to movie title is Epic Fail, as Lionsgate will produce the comedy idea from Nicky Weinstock and Ed Helms. It’s a bit of a relief, actually, because I saw the title and immediately thought that Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg were directing their first animated spoof feature, which would have been amazing, seeing as a drawing of Dick Butt* is funnier than anything those two have ever come up with.
As for the actual plot of Epic Fail, Helms will star as the leader of “an elite but unorthodox Special Forces team that takes their dysfunction and excessive firepower on a desperate mission to save America,” and the movie could be three hours of Helms making armpit farts while telling stories from the set of The Hangover III, and it would probably still be better than Delta Farce.
Of course this means that I will have to go to my personal list of Internet slang terms to see what is left for Hollywood to adopt in an attempt to stay hip and cool, and with Epic Fail, That Awkward Moment and LOL off the board, there’s still plenty for studios to work with. I’ve even included some of my own pitch ideas.
A/S/L – A pair of hopeless romantics meets in an Internet chat room and they really hit it off, setting off a series of events to meet each other, despite the thousands of miles between them. When they finally find each other in front of some famous landmark, they realized that they totally lied to each other about their looks, but they figure, “F*ck it,” life’s too short.
143 – A computer prodigy in high school begins working on the code that will change his life and the world, but he realizes that someone has been hacking him and inserting strange numerical sequences to hijack his efforts. It ends up being the daughter of the tech CEO trying to steal his idea, and together they revolutionize the software industry and the way we look at love.
TMI – The single, unscrupulous CEO of an online dating site sells the personal information of hundreds of thousands of his clients, and he finds himself the target of a hacker who begins leaking all of his skeletons to the public for revenge. But it turns out that hacker is also his bitter ex, and she won’t stop until he sees the error of his way and maybe even discovers true love.
420 – As they prepare for the biggest Spring Break of their lives, some college bros from Colorado realize that they can’t afford their plane tickets to Panama City, so they’re gonna have to make a road trip. How will they pay for that? By trading weed for the things they need to get across the country. But they’ll have to be sneaky, because Johnny Law is onto them.
BBW – Melissa McCarthy and Gabourey Sidibe star as rival flower shop owners who will do whatever it takes to lock up the big accounts this wedding season, including trying to sabotage each other. But what happens when they start dating twin brothers? Hilarity.
YOLO – After playing the show of his life, the world’s most popular club DJ is struck and killed by a bus. He meets St. Peter at the pearly gates, but is informed that he can’t enter until he helps an awkward college kid win the ultimate DJ showdown. Can the ghost of the best DJ in the world pull it off? Heaven help us!
(o) (o) – This is an unspecified Kate Upton project that I’m developing.
*Dick Butt, starring Dax Shepard.