One might assume that people who produce movies for a living would be around other movie people a lot, and read lots of scripts, and see lots of movies, and spend a lot of their time talking about movies, and thus get tired of seeing the same types of movies all the time. And yet, even the most cursory scan of the trades will prove that they don’t. Oh sweet mother of God they don’t ever. In fact, the movie business seems to function more like tattoos at a frat house. One guy gets a tribal armband; everyone else gets a tribal armband. One guy gets a sleeve; everyone else gets a sleeve. One guy gets a picture of my mom getting mounted by a gargoyle; everyone else gets a picture of my mom getting mounted by a gargoyle. The point is, my frat bros were real jerks and not nearly as funny as they thought they were. But back to the movie thing.
What I’m saying is, certain types of movies just keep getting made over and over until you feel like you’re listening to one of those P Diddy songs where all he does is say “Uh. Yeah. C’mon. Ugh. Yeah. Yeah. C’mon.” and you’re the only one in the room who realizes it’s a cover.
Therefore, I’ve compiled a list of some of the worst offenders, the types of movies that should never be made again, or should at least require a 10-year moratorium, or maybe a three-day waiting period while we do a background check on the screenwriter. It’s a dangerous business. If these things fall into the wrong hands, someone like me could throw a hissy fit. And no one wants that. Trust me, it’s embarrassing.