There aren’t too many movies coming out that have me more embonered than The Counselor, which Ridley Scott is directing from a script by Cormac McCarthy. Which McCarthy formatted non-traditionally, as per the Cormac McCarthy manual of style, which is just a picture of Cormac McCarthy flipping everyone the bird. Opening October 25th, it stars Michael F. Assbender as a lawyer who gets sucked into the drug underworld when he partners with Javier Bardem’s Brian Grazer-inspired “Reiner” on a $20 million coke deal. Hobo-hair Brad Pitt fits in there somewhere as well, possibly just to read everyone a weird poem he wrote about perfume.
The new teaser has a lot of the same footage as the last one, including the centerpiece shot of a motorcyclist getting presumably decapitated by a high-tension wire strung across the roadway (YES, OH GOD YES JUST TAKE MY MONEY NOW), plus additional new footage of Penelope Cruz and Cameron Diaz getting all lesbo-erotic by the pool. This time with a lingering shot of Cameron Diaz’s cheetah-spot back tat, mee-yow (that’s what I’m supposed to say, right?).
I tried to give a girl a pearl cheetah once, but the antelope ran away.