There’s something oddly reassuring about Mr. Skin’s annual list of the best nude scenes. It’s like the flashing Drudge GIF sirens or coming across an archived website that you’re surprised is still active — it’s a reminder of the old Internet, when things were simpler and sexist, racist YouTube comments were left in the brain where they belong, and kids used to write letters and not listen to their skats kats, dagnabbit. Also: boobs.
So we’re happy to announce that Cornelius Q. Skin, IV has released this year’s winners, and that Heather Graham, who is to the Pervert Oscars as Meryl Streep is to the regular Oscars, is involved. Let’s see how many different ways Mr. Skin (Xipe Totec’s family is still pissed they didn’t trademark that name) can refer to lady parts.
1. Ashley Hinshaw in About Cherry
Beachy blonde Ashley Hinshaw started her showbiz career with a slew of skin free teen dramas, and then unveiled the ripe fruits on her chest for five topless scenes in About Cherry (2012). Now that’s how you pop your nudity cherry!2. Michelle Williams & Sarah Silverman in Take This Waltz
Sarah Silverman tickled a lot more than funny bones with her furry full frontal debut alongside Michelle Williams in Take This Waltz. The well-lit shower scene will provoke a one-handed tango.3. Sophie Rundle in Episodes
Sophie Rundle played Matt LeBlanc’s stalker on the Showtime series Episodes, but it’s inconceivable that anyone would want to get away from those huge, natural knockers.4. Helen Hunt in The Sessions
Girl-next-door Helen Hunt made her topless debut in The Waterdance (1992). 20 years later she proved she’s still got it with a spectacular full frontal reveal in The Surrogate (2012). We’re Mad About Pubes!5. Olivia Munn in Magic Mike
Olivia Munn nearly slipped her Munn-chables by us by getting naked for the first time in the male stripper movie Magic Mike (2012). Those mams are magical!
6. Camilla Luddington in Californication
Camilla Luddington starred as the titular princess in Lifetime’s royal wedding movie, William & Kate (2011), but her skinny-dipping scene in Californication was her real crowing achievement.
7. Ali Cobrin in American Reunion
We’ve been waiting for Ali Cobrin’s nude debut since she answered an American Reunion (2012) casting call that included “Please note upper frontal nudity is required”. The pastries on her chest were even better than we could have imagined.
8. Jessica Marais in Magic City
Jessica Marais won us over with her spectacular T&A in the first episode of the Starz series Magic City, then really sealed the deal by getting nude in practically every episode afterwards.
9. Sarah Power in Californication
Sarah Power’s colossal cans are so spectacular that when she made her nude debut on Californication, David Duchovny declared she should win a “Mr. Skin Award.” We agree.
10. Kristen Stewart in On the Road
Kristen Stewart shot to fame in the teen vampire movie Twilight (2008), and then doffed her top to encourage a whole new beat generation in Jack Kerouac’s On the Road (2012). (Via)
“Mad About Pubes.” He truly is the wanking man’s Gene Shalit. Oh man, Shalit reviewing porn would probably be the best thing ever. “Beaver Hunt Video 6 was the best damn film in the series. I certainly WOOD go back and see it again.” Anyway, I know that Vince is upset that Nadine Velazquez from Flight didn’t make Mr. Skin’s cut (“A circumcision joke? I haven’t heard one of those since Foreskin Follies 4. It was a can’t bris,” says Porn Shalit), and I’d like to rationally scream that the forest threesome from The Loraxxx should have made the list.
I may be misremembering that movie. But seriously, no Game of Thrones? “Seeing Margaery Tyrell without her shirt on would make any half man stand at full attention.”
[Vince’s Note: Josh, you ignorant slut, everyone knows Ros, aka Esme Bianco, had the best nude scenes in Game of Thrones.]