New Battleship trailer is all about the slow-motion ‘splosions

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12.09.11 25 Comments

Battleship (BASED ON THE CRITICALLY-ACCLAIMED BOARD GAME!) has a new trailer out, and after watching it, I’ve come up with an awesome new slogan: Battleship — It’s not the SIZE of the ship, it’s the ‘splosions in the ocean! (The motion of the ‘splosion?) No, no, please, you can have that one, free of charge. Really, it’s my pleasure.

Which is to say, yeah, it’s still about alien battleships that jump. But it’s also got Admiral Rihanna (yes, Rihanna plays a naval officer. Yes, Rihanna the singer) dispensing folksy wisdom. “MAH DADDY DUN TOLE ME DA ALIEEN GONE COME BACK ONE DAY! HE SAY WE AIN’T ALONE!” Oh, Magic Negro. What would our action films be without you?

ALIEN BATTLESHIPS TRAVEL BY DUB-STEP!

Grrrrzzzzz BEEESXXXXSSSXXXSSS braaaaaaaaaaah SXEEEEEZZZZXXXXXZZZZZ dmmmmmmmmmm VEEZZZZZZXXXXX gwup gwup gwup GWAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH gwup gwup gwup GWAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH….

"I TOLD YOU NOT TO CALL ME HERE!"

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Vince Mancini is a writer, comedian, and podcaster. A graduate of Columbia’s non-fiction MFA program, his work has appeared on FilmDrunk, the UPROXX network, the Portland Mercury, the East Bay Express, and all over his mom’s refrigerator.

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