Four-eyed poindexters are always trying to tell you how good some foreigner movie is, to which I always say, “Oh yeah? Well riddle me this, nerd, if it’s so good, why come they didn’t make it AMERICAN, huh?” then I point to a spot on their shirt and when they look down, I kick ’em right square in the d*ck. Haha, made you look, pussy. Tomas Alfredson’s vampire flick Let the Right One In was just such a movie. Supposedly it was good, but it was also fulla Swedes. Luckily, Cloverfield director Matt Reeves made a new version (Let Me In), and this one you won’t have to sit there reading like a queer.
This one’s supposed to be faithful to the original, but have more blood and more violence and more BODIES HITTING FLOOR. Chloe Moretz, that hot slit from Kick-Ass (just my type), plays the vampire chick, and Kodi Smit-McPhee from The Road plays her friend. You ask me, “Cody” is a good, solid AMURRICAN name. Seems a shame to queer it up with an I and a hyphen like that. Guess it ain’t his fault his parents’re queer. But still, I think I’m gonna have to call him “McPussy.” (*spits Skoal into Gatorade bottle, continues whittling Truck Nutz*)