PAUL VERHOEVEN WANTS TO RAPE JESUS!

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04.23.08 50 Comments

Paul Verhoeven, director of such films as Hollow Man, Starship Troopers, Showgirls, Basic Instinct, Total Recall, and Robocop, is planning to publish a heavily-researched, revisionist biography of Jesus in September.

The Dutch filmmaker, who has had a lifelong ambition to make a film about Jesus based on scientific research, claims that Jesus’ father was probably a Roman soldier who raped Mary during the Jewish uprising in Galilee. He also claims that Christ was not betrayed by Judas Iscariot. [Yahoo/HR]

Verhoeven goes on to say that contrary to modern depictions, Buddha actually had three breasts, and that Scientology overlord Xenu is a really just a malformed Siamese twin growing out of Tom Cruise’s side. Scientists are calling it the Kuato Theory. 

In retrospect I suppose that headline was a bit sensationalist.

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Vince Mancini is a writer, comedian, and podcaster. A graduate of Columbia’s non-fiction MFA program, his work has appeared on FilmDrunk, the UPROXX network, the Portland Mercury, the East Bay Express, and all over his mom’s refrigerator.

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