I steal from Patton Oswalt all the time, but when I do it, it’s awesome. And while I occasionally incorporate certain words or phrases I’ve heard him use that have since become a part of my personal lexicon– because that’s what fans do — I don’t tell stories from Patton’s life and pass them off as my own. Because that’s what serial killers do.
Enter Columbia School of General Studies (Columbia’s part-time undergraduate program for working adults) valedictorian Brian Corman. Corman apparently hadn’t seen Patton Oswalt’s recent public shaming of a comedian in Iowa who’d been stealing his act. Or maybe Corman did see it, and thought it’d be a great idea to try to pull off the same trick, only this time in front of 10 times as many people, at a filmed event, in New York City. Brilliant. In the video above, you can see Corman lift pretty much word for word Patton’s “Physics for Poets” bit (which I’ve included below). What I don’t understand is, isn’t ‘Physics for Poets’ not a class a Columbia? And of all people, wouldn’t it be your fellow students who’d know that? It doesn’t make any sense, dude. (Psst, just say it was performance art).
I was originally planning to post this yesterday, but Columbia had pulled the video from YouTube. They put it back up last night and included an apology from the dean. But in the original version of the apology, they spelled Patton Oswalt’s name two different ways. Beautiful. Said Oswalt:
High standards, indeed. Did the salutatorian smash a watermelon?
Zing. Since the most important part of any news story is how it’s going to affect me personally, I must point out that Columbia recently awarded me my MFA, so thanks for ruining that for me, jackasses. Don’t you know the false prestige people attach to these things is their only value? Brian Corman and Dean Whatever Your Name is, you don’t just owe Patton an apology, you owe me an apology. And more importantly, you owe my esteemed classmate James Franco an apology. Do you have any idea how many f*ck pillow episodes of 30 Rock he’s going to have to film to bring us back from this?
[Hat tip: TrueSlant]
-Thanks to Stinky Peet and BDarbs the tip