Two women in England broke the first rule of corpse disposal over the weekend, which is that you can hide, but you can’t run. Hey, know the difference between Alka-Seltzer and a hooker? Hookers don’t fizz when you dissolve them. So I’ve heard.
Police have arrested two women after they tried to take the body of a dead relative on to a plane at Liverpool John Lennon Airport. Staff became suspicious when they tried to check in 91-year-old Curt Willi Jarant, who was wearing sunglasses, for a flight to Berlin on Saturday. The women – his widow and step-daughter – said they thought he was asleep.
They were arrested on suspicion of failing to give notification of a death, police said. The pair, who are German nationals but live in Oldham, Greater Manchester, have been released on bail until 1 June.
Ahh, the old sunglasses-on-a-corpse trick. You put a cigarette in his mouth and a beer in his hand, you got yourself a conversation piece. Trust me, it’s how granddad would’ve wanted it.
Mr Jarant’s step-daughter Anke Anusic added: “They would think that for 24 hours we would carry a dead person? This is ridiculous. He was moving, he was breathing. Eight people saw him.” They had waited until he was better before booking a ticket to travel to his native Germany.
“He was released from hospital. He was fine. If he was not fine the hospital wouldn’t release him,” she said. And she insisted that with his eyes closed they believed he was asleep.
“He was alive. He was pale but he wasn’t dead,” Ms Anusic added. “A dead person you cannot carry to Germany, there are too many people checking and security. How can you bring a dead person to Germany?” [BBC]
Wait, is she seriously asking how to sneak a dead person into Germany? Because I believe the first step would be to disguise the dead in capri pants and Teva sandals so they fit in. They love that sh*t over there. They’re a sick people.