Human Care Bear Ryan Gosling (or Baby Goose, as we like to call him), whose ability to stop street fights using half a hug is already well-known, made headlines again this week when he reportedly appeared out of nowhere to stop a dinghy English broad from wandering into traffic. My God, he’s like a cross between Batman and the Teletubbies.
Writing on Twitter, Laurie Penny (who is a journo for the New Statesman, FYI) said:
“I literally, LITERALLY just got saved from a car by Ryan Gosling. That actually just happened.”
Wait, slow down, you mean it actually happened literally-literally, and not figuratively, as a parable, in a mythical dreamworld of allegorical myth and metaphor? As an employed journalist, you’d think she’d make things a bit clearer.
“I was crossing 6th avenue in a new pink wig. Not looking the right way because I am from London. Ryan Gosling grabbed me away from a taxi.”
“He did not say ‘hey, girl.’ He said ‘hey, watch out!’
“Identity of … Ryan Gosling confirmed by girl near me, who said ‘you lucky bitch.'” [HolyMoly]
I like to imagine that after saving her, Baby Goose strolled off into the sunset, casually strumming his ukulele and smiling, another good deed done. Remember, Huggalos, Baby Goose is always with you, as long as you believe. “See where those footsteps in the sand stop, girl? That’s where Baby Goose shoved you out of the way of a dune buggy.”