After the jump, I’ve posted the trailer for the upcoming movie Skateland. As Screen Junkies points out, the movie appears to be a Dazed and Confused knockoff, albeit with less baseball and paddling and more roller skating and hanging your nuts out a window. This is as far as I’m able to take the movie summation because HOLY CRAP YOU GUYS, Ashley Greene is pretty. Like, I’m sitting here trying to conjure up important moviefilm things to say about this trailer, and all I can think about is how good looking she is. Good Lord, that girl makes Natalie Portman look like a foot. And Natalie Portman is gorgeous. That’s how attractive Ashley Greene is. She’s so hot she’s making me sexist. Bitch.
So… yeah. I have no idea if this movie will be good. I don’t even know if Ashley Greene is a good actress. As far as I can tell, all she’s done is the Twilight movies, a body paint photoshoot for SoBe, and prance around Beverly Hills in yoga pants and sunglasses in front of the paparazzi. So I guess what I’m really saying is that she’s the best actress ever and she should retroactively be given all the important acting awards for the last 5-6 years. Because if there’s one lesson I want to instill in all of you during my brief tenure as a fill-in here, it’s that pretty people deserve things they haven’t earned and ugly people should wear masks and stay inside to write blog posts until their organs are needed to ensure no attractive person ever dies. As you can see, I’m already doing my part.